08 Mar No More “Why Me?”
Setting up a blog has always been met with reluctance on my end. Even when I bought my name’s dot com, it’s always been a one step forward, two steps backward sort of endeavour. While I have been writing professionally since 2007 (it’s almost my tenth anniversary! I should have a birthday concert. Ano daw?!), I’ve never been fully comfortable about carving out my own home and space online.
I have great ideas about what sort of things to write about or blog series to pursue, and then I start asking myself: Who’s going to read this stuff? Why will anyone care about what I write? And then those questions turn into statements like, No one cares, Ronna. No one will read. And almost always, it ends with, Who are you to talk about life, faith, motherhood, marriage? How can you keep up with what’s already out there? What do you know?
Wow. Typing that out almost makes me feel like I am appearing in public unclothed. But I’ve recently realized that these thoughts have ruled over my decisions and confidence for far too long. My husband has consistently bugged me to set up my own online home before we got married. We’re going on our sixth year of marriage in July.
My fears are older than my children.
What does it benefit me to give in to these thoughts? I could easily say something feel good such as, the magic happens when we begin to live outside our comfort zone, or I won’t know unless I try. However I have found that it’s not my credentials that can create my name. Because I really am, well, nothing impressive. 1 Corinthians 1:27 says, “God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.” Hello, that is me. Foolish and powerless. I am limited. I’m broken. I make mistakes. I am a recovering sinner.
How can I write about motherhood if I still lose my cool? How can I talk about faith when I am full of myself?
Blogging, for me, is my efforts at taking the focus off myself. There’s a paradox in that because blogging almost always assumes that the self is put in the spotlight. But by taking the focus off myself, I actually mean my hesitations, my insecurities, my “what if’s”, and my hyper-consciousness of myself and what others may think of me.
It benefits no one to be so consumed and worried about ourselves. I think the worst part is the loss of our consciousness of God’s presence. I didn’t realize that by thinking so much about myself, I’m therefore unable to think of what God might be doing in a particular moment. I am most likely missing out on God’s purposes when all I think about are perceptions.
My hope is that in my imperfection, you still find Jesus. In my quest for progress, may you find faith.
If you’ve found yourself in a similar cycle of “I want to do something but who am I to do it”, I hope I can encourage you with this: Yes, we are nobodies to do it. But God is Somebody. He is Almighty. We will most likely stumble along the way, but if we take on his invitation, we will embark on a journey that will bring us closer to him. Whatever we are able to do along the way–setup a successful business, write a best-selling book, produce a popular YouTube channel, obtain a masters’ degree–is great. But it is the bonus. Delving deeper into God’s heart is the glorious point.
May you finally get started on what you’ve been meaning to do–and may you find God as you go.
“God’s aim looks like missing the mark because we are too short-sighted to see what he is aiming at.” – Oswald Chambers